Monday, September 10, 2012

Letting Go (a little)

I'll admit it. 

I'm a helicopter mom.

I tend to swarm around my girls. I want to keep them from being hurt. And I want to keep them out of trouble.

My parents were always over protective. Which annoyed me as a teenager. But now I get it. I fully expect to go on all dates with my girls and live in their dorm rooms. Ha! Okay - maybe not but I do want to protect them from the world.

We live on a street that is full of kids. I love that. But we have just entered a new phase where those kids want mine to come out and play with them. I'm just not ready for that.

Most of these kids are a little older (around 5-8) and they are SO sweet to my girls. And Harper is just in heaven when these "big girls" want to play with her.

But even though I stand right by them and watch - part of me has a hard time of letting go and letting her play. We have always been surrounded by my friends and their kids so this is just new.

Harper's communication is behind for her age and because these kids are older - she seems so behind where they are and it doesn't bother her but I find myself wanting to talk for her. I don't want them to think something is wrong.

And then I heard a few of them ask her "what is in your ears". They were just being curious and asked it very sweetly. It just crushed me. I don't think Harper even realizes fully that she has something different yet and I just want to protect that innocence.  I honestly don't even know why it bothered me - I think it was just the first taste of questions she might face one day.

God made her so happy and so full of life and strong willed for a purpose. I know I need to let go and let her fly a little but it's hard. I never want to see her hurt.

I know with girls - there is going to be a lifetime of friends being mean and boys rejections and insecurity but I just want to hold it off as long as I can.

I'm sure it's hard for God to sit back and watch us be hurt or watch us make the wrong decisions but He is watching with a loving eye knowing that the things in our life that can hurt us can also make us special. And can all be part of a big picture we can't see. And when He says "no" to us like I do when Harper wants to play in the street or at someone's house I don't know - its because He knows so much more than we do.

I'm learning to trust God and I'm learning to let go of things I can't always control.

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