My heart is just heavy tonight.
I read things on blogs and get prayer requests from all over that are always so hard to hear about and I'm always praying.
But lately I've had a lot of hard things happen to some of my dear friends and I'm just very burdened. We had Bible Study this morning and there wasn't a dry eye as we prayed over some of our sweet church members who are facing giants. One of my favorite women at church who is such a role model to me just found out in the last few days that she has Ovarian cancer. It's been a huge shock to her family and her church family. She works in our youth department and is probably one of the most Godly women I know. One of my friends has had her baby in the hospital with RSV. One of my friend's mom is very sick with cancer. One of our pastor's has a grandchild who has been in the hospital for weeks sick. Several of my friends are dealing with medical issues with their kids. The list goes on and on.
I just seem to be in a constant state of prayer right now. Sometimes I'm actually thankful that Hollis gets up 4,256 times at night because every time I get up - I'm praying over people.
Or my own family.
This is minor in the face of what so many are facing but I'm just REALLY struggling in this season of motherhood. I called my mom today and was just crying because I'm so exhausted and feel so worn out. Harper has just been a handful lately and I feel like all I do from the minute I wake up until she goes to bed is discipline her. I hate it. I hate myself as a mom. I feel like a total failure and I feel like a truck has run over me by 8:00 every night. I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. My mom made me feel a lot better when she told me that unfortunately - Harper is mini me. I was a HARD kid at this age. My mom had the exact same feelings and felt like she was for sure ruining me. (I'm sure she's laughing on the inside to see me struggling with a super strong willed child just like I may or may not pray that Harper gets her own one day. ha!) She told me some things she felt that were exactly how I feel right now and somehow I turned out okay. I was actually a very good kid and teenager. So I feel a little more hopeful. But it's taking a lot of prayers for patience each day.
My friend Janet who has the cancer sought after these verses right after she found out the bad news and I thought I would share them. I'm certain a lot of you are struggling. Maybe you are struggling with your mothering. Or maybe you are struggling just praying and pleading with God to make you a mother. Maybe your marriage is rocky right now. Or you are having financial difficulty. Maybe you have a sick child or a sick parent or a sick spouse. Maybe it's you who is suffering health problems. Whatever it is that is making your heart heavy - I'm praying these verses over you.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth. 3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
I'm closing comments on this post. Instead of commenting - just say a minute prayer for yourself or someone you know who needs to feel some encouragement.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
My heart is just heavy tonight.