I'm a little emotional tonight. Part of it is what I'm about to write about and part of it is because for about two hours this afternoon - I was scared to death my best friend was going to die (read post below this and please keep praying for her).
I had always planned to breastfeed my entire life. And I have always dreaded it. It just sounded dreadful. But I knew it was something I felt I should at least try. And when we wound up in the NICU and I couldn't nurse those first few weeks - I almost talked myself out of it. Especially when the first time we tried - Harper got so mad she had to go back on oxygen. Talk about scaring a new mom out of trying again.
But a sweet LC named Tina stuck with us and helped me when I was ready to quit (and she still stays in touch - hi Tina!) And I'm so glad she did because it's been a great experience. It's been very bonding and so much easier than I ever dreamed it could be.
So when we got asked to go on the Compassion trip - I decided I would just wean Harper before the trip. And then when we got down to just a few weeks before the trip - I panicked! I don't work well under pressure and I decided to just pump bottles and that I would pump on the trip and wean when we got home.
Harper has never really taken a bottle and I tried once before to give her a formula bottle and she threw a HUGE temper tantrum.
Yesterday afternoon, I thought I would just try to give her a bottle and see what happened. And she GULPED it down. So last night I thought I would try again with her bedtime bottle - just sure she would be mad. She gulped that one too. And went to sleep drinking it and slept all night. So I've given her bottles today with the same results so it looks like she is weaned. And I think it's time. She is obviously ready. She wasn't nursing much anymore anyway. And I think the timing will work out great. I'm proud that I nursed her for 9.5 months.
I was reading Amanda's blog last week because she just went through the same thing and she talked about wanting to treasure that last time of nursing knowing it was the end. And I realized I didn't treasure that last time because I didn't know it would be the last time. And that makes me a little sad. I will always think about all those long nights in our living room when I would nurse and watch TV at 2 a.m. I'm sad to see a little era end.