Wednesday, August 27, 2014

What to say

So many of my friends have faced truly hard things in the last few years.  Cancer, loss of a spouse, loss of a child, loss of a parent are just a few of the things my friends have had to deal with.  I always want to be a good friend but sometimes I'm at a loss of what to say.

I'm trying to learn to listen more than I speak.  I'm trying to just let people know I love them and care and am praying without offering solutions or advice.  I've really been trying hard to offer something specific I can do for them instead of saying "Let me know if you need anything" ...... which I will admit to have said probably 453 times to people.  I really meant it but no one is ever going to actually ask you to do anything after you say that.

I've heard from my friends things that people say that hurt more than help.  And I'm probably guilty of saying a lot of those things and I'm working hard not to anymore.

"God never gives you more than you can handle" (which is not even in the Bible like people think it is)

"Everything happens for a reason"

"They are in a better place"

"You can have more kids"

"How are you doing?"

"Let me tell you about so and so who had cancer............"

These are well intentioned but hard sometimes for the person to hear.

I'm wondering if any of you have ever faced something extremely difficult and I would love to know what DID help you in that time.  What did people do or say that was life giving to you?  I think it could be so helpful to everyone that reads here if we would all offer up ideas and suggestions of how to help our family and friends through difficult times.

I would love if any of you could share with us.

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