Sunday, January 16, 2011

Two Years

Dear Harper:

I can't believe that today you are TWO! It seems like so long ago that I spent so many days crying because I so desperately wanted a child. I bought little things with the name Harper on them and hid them away just daring to hope that one day God might give me a little girl. You will never fully understand how badly your daddy and I wanted you!
I wish I could think about your actual birthday with happy memories but it was the worst day of my life. The thought of losing you before I even got to know you was more than I could imagine.

But you have been strong willed and dramatic from the very beginning. You came in fighting and it's still a struggle of wills every day. I have a love/hate relationship with that. I love that you are so strong and that you have a mind of your own and that I am sure you will be a woman of confidence and leadership one day. But as your mom trying to get you to do things I want you to do - not so much loving it right now. :-) I think mostly because you are me all over again. You may look like your daddy but your personality is all me and it scares me a little! Your daddy will tell you I'm the most hard headed person he knows. And you must be second. ha!

Every day for the last 730 days with you have been a gift. Your smile lights up my life. I love to go get you out of your room every morning. You usually always greet me with a big smile and a "Hi momma!" or a "Hi Baby". You have the sweetest personality and are so loving. You live to make us laugh and you are a true performer. There is a sparkle in your eyes that no money could ever buy. I pray that sparkle is always there!

I love that at two you want to sing about Jesus every day. I know you don't know what you are singing about yet but I pray that soon you will. I don't care if you make straight A's or win Miss America or do well at sports - I want you to be HEAD OVER HEELS in love with our Saviour and for his light to shine through you in all that you do. I want you to let Him guide your life and I know you will be blessed.
Your daddy and I can't get enough of you. My favorite part of my day is every night when we go to bed and we never go to sleep without laughing and talking about you. I don't know what we ever did before we had you. You are not perfect but you are OURS! We adore you! I think you are the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. I don't think I will ever kiss or hug you enough.

I can't wait to see what the next few weeks, months and years bring and to watch you grow and change. I know our days are numbered that we will have alone - just you and us. I'm trying to treasure my last few moments with you as my only child. But I know that you will adore Hollis and I pray you will be best friends. I can't wait to watch you as a big sister. I pray that you will have good friends and life and that God will bring you a boy who will adore you (when you are 30). :-) I want so much for you and I'm praying God makes me a better mother to you.

I hope one day you will read this and know just how much I love you. You probably won't understand it until the day that you have a little girl or boy of your own. And then you will realize how incredibly loved your were.

Happy Birthday precious girl! Momma loves you SO much!

P.S. I can't celebrate Harper's birthday without being SOOOOOOOOOOOO thankful and tearful at the thought of her wonderful doctors and nurses who saved her life, all of our sweet friends who drove to Tulsa to visit us in the hospital, all the blog readers who came to visit or sent amazing messages or gifts to us, and all the many, many people who prayed for her. I can never thank you enough. And I will treasure each of you for the rest of my life. I know a lot of you started reading when Harper was born - thank you for being interested in her little life! We love you all!!!

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