Sunday, February 17, 2008

The Truth

I'm going to be totally honest. (And you might not ever want to read my blog again after you read this. )
We skipped Sunday School today. I just didn't feel like being around people. I ADORE our class - they are like family - but I just couldn't put on a smile today. We found out this morning that there would be no baby again. Once again, our dream shattered, and I'm just finding it hard to be the super positive person that I usually try to be. It's the kind of day that I just want to wallow in my sadness. I want to lay in bed and cry and feel sorry for myself and eat ice cream. I don't want to talk about it this time. I don't want to have to call my parents and give them bad news ONCE again (sorry mom you are reading it here). I just want to hide in my house and be sad alone. And I don't think there is anything wrong with being sad.
Don't misunderstand me. I have NOT lost my faith or hope in Christ. I know He has a plan for us. I know He will bless us (he already has). I KNOW He will give us a child in His own time - but while I wait - I'm just overcome with sadness. And I think that's okay. Jesus wept. God is sad when one of his children turns away from Him. Abraham had the kind of faith that made God want to be His friend and he was sad. David was a man after God's own heart - and he had gut wrenching sadness that he wrote about in Psalms.
This week - I have been convicted as I read about the bloggers in Uganda to put things in perspective. To realize that I have more than I deserve when others have so little. But I have to admit - when I saw a picture of a home where 6 or 7 people lived and it was no bigger than my closet. My first thought was "how horrible - I have TOO much". But my next thought was "God - why did you let that mother have 6 kids to live in those conditions and you won't give us one when our child will have an entire nursery of things waiting for it?"
I don't understand. But I also know that I don't need to question God. He is not a fair God - but He is a just God. And a Holy God. And a Perfect God. And a loving God. And He has purpose for my pain. I don't know fully what that is yet - but I hope it is somehow to bring Him glory one day.
Please pray for us. If you want to - pray that God will maybe give us twins. I'm hoping he will just doubly bless us in His time. Pray that I will praise Him even when I don't feel like it. Pray that I won't feel like giving up. Pray that I won't be jealous of every mother I see. Pray that I will just keep trusting that God has a better plan that I could ever dream of.
I'm going to go get a spoon for my ice cream now and I promise I'll post about happy things the rest of this week.

80 comments:

Lisa said...

Oh Kelly. Of course we'll pray. No words can comfort you right now, but sometimes you do just have to stay in and deal with things yourself instead of putting on the happy face for everyone. I'm always here. Love ya!

Anonymous said...

Kelly,

I have been reading your blog for a while, but have never commented. Today I must... to let you know I am praying....I am asking the Father to show me specifically how to pray for you today....asking Him to bless you in His time and way with the child you long for.

God bless,

A sister in Christ, Carrie M., Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Jenny said...

I'm praying for both you and Scott. God's timing is perfect.

Jennifer said...

If I were near you I would bring a great big jumbo thing of ice cream. Please know that big hugs are going your way virtually. (hug)

Hillary said...

I checked my phone all day yesterday hoping I didn't have a text from you. Then when we got back to my parent's house late last night my heart fell to stomach when I saw you had sent me a text. I prayed all day yesterdy and just KNEW you were pregnant this time! I just don't get it! I don't even know what to tell you! My heart is broken for you! I'm praying the Lord gives you peace and hope and comfort right now! I love you!

Tiffani said...

Kelly, I just want to cry. I have been thinking about you a lot lately & praying for you guys. I can't say that I know what you are going through because I haven't been through it, but I do know that it must be extremely hard and emotional. I KNOW that God has a perfect plan for you & I will continue to pray, pray, pray!!

Cheryl said...

Kelly, I am sorry, I had to say that many many times to my sister. I will pray that you keep on trusting HIM, HIS timing is perfect and HE does make all things good!

Betsy said...

Kelly,
Don't feel like you have to post happy things for anyone! As your "cyber friends" (and your real friends, too, I'm sure!)--our hearts ache for you, so you can be honest and we're okay with it!! :) You are surrounded by people who love you & you don't have to be happy one minute before you're ready to be!! This situation is so out of everyone's control--it is very humbling and frustrating and sad. I am sooooo sorry!!! Please know that I am praying for you--for all the areas you listed. You just eat your ice cream as long as you feel like it!!

Anonymous said...

Kelly, I am so sorry. Sending y'all love and hugs.

Strawberry Rose

Andrea said...

Kelly,

I have been reading your blog for awhile now ( I love it). I just wanted you to know that I am "sad" with you! It is ok to feel the way you do. Everyone goes through trials and times of sorrow.....you take all the time you need. I want you to know that as a mom of twins, I will be praying for the Lord to richly bless you in his timing with children! He knows that it is a desire of your heart and I stand on the promise that he is going to give you those desires!!! I am so sorry and here is a big cyber (((HUG)))!!! Andrea in MS

Mississippi Girl said...

I just want to give you a big hug right now sweet girl! I know that you are sad right now, and you're right it IS okay to be sad. You are God's precious child... pour it all out to Him. I am praying, praying, praying for you.
Jennifer R.

E said...

i'm so sorry, kelly- hang in there... i personally think that sometimes the best way to deal with disappointment is just to cry and wallow in the sadness for a while- and then you pull yourself back up and carry on. i am thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.

Big Mama said...

Be sad. Eat ice cream. Stay in your pajamas. Mourn that things haven't worked out the way you wanted. It's okay to be real and it's okay to be sad.

I'm praying for you.

Big Mama said...

Be sad. Eat ice cream. Stay in your pajamas. Mourn that things haven't worked out the way you wanted. It's okay to be real and it's okay to be sad.

I'm praying for you.

Amy said...

Kelly-

I've been reading for awhile and have not yet commented. Your post, however, really spoke to me today and I felt God telling me to "talk" to you. I recently lost a child I had been pregnant with for 12 weeks. No one else knew. It was a secret my husband,God and I knew. How very excited we were to tell everyone about our sweet little one. But, God needed our sweet little one in Heaven before we did. We asked all the questions that you have, all the whys! But in the end, even after such a short time we find so much faith and comfort and strength in knowing that this is His plan for our lives. We know that he is All POWERFUL, ALL KNOWING, AWESOME and we trust in his every word. God bless you for posting about your troubling times. Finding brothers and sisters in Christ to lean on makes it all easier, I promise. I will be praying for you. God bless.

Stephanie's Mommy Brain said...

Being sad, disappointed, angry and confused is healthy. Take all the time you need to process your emotions with your husband and God.

Sarah said...

I don't get it. It's just not fair, or easy, and it doesn't get easier. Thank you for being so real and honest in sharing your feelings. I have to just roll around in the sadness for a day or two and not really talk to anybody. Then I would roll around in the ice cream if I could! But you know, it's cold, and um, sticky...

Trying to make you smile a tad because again, I know. Whatever you're feeling, I know. I don't know what to do with what I know, but thank God, He does.

Laurie said...

Kelly-
I think your honesty is great. I think it is fine to be sad! I don't think God minds our questioning either. You just enjoy that ice cream! I love you!

Fran said...

I think you are doing and feeling exactly what you should be doing and feeling. I pray that through this your faith, trust, and belief will increase.

I so wish I could just come sit and be with you and visit and talk and cry and even laugh.

I know your disappointment Kelly.
I'm praying for you sweet friend.
Hugs~
Fran

Jenna said...

Already praying, my dear.

I know I have only "known" you for a little bit, but there are just some people you feel instantly connected to. I'm not sure why it happens or why your blog and who you are struck a cord with me, but for right now I am thinking it is to be another person who sees what an amazing mama you are going to be--and to pray fervently for that to happen for y'all.

With love, Jenna

Sunni at The Flying Mum said...

Kelly, thank you for being honest. In this life, things don't work out exactly as we want them to or in the timing we'd like, and it's perfectly normal to be sad or even REALLY sad. And stay in. And eat. And EAT. And cry.

But we know God has given you the desire to be a mom, and we also know God has His perfect timing. All this waiting will make it all the sweeter when your time comes to be a mom.

In the mean time, you keep being your super cute self, and know that we're praying for you.

Kelly said...

I'm so sad to read this today. But you are right, God does have a plan. It's okay to be sad.

Candy said...

Oh Kelly, I am so sorry!! I wish I knew the right words to say (or type), but I just don't. The only thing I know to do is pray for you. Thanks for giving us specific things to pray for. I'm going to write your requests in my prayer journal and I will lift you up every morning during my quiet time.

Mandy said...

My heart aches for you and Scott! It's okay to be sad, you have been through so much and remained so positive the entire time! You have really been an inspiration to me!! You guys are in my prayers and I am going to start praying that he just might give you Harper and Hudson at the same time!!!

~aj~ said...

Hugs to you and Scott. You will be in my prayers. Stay strong!

Leigh Ann said...

Oh Kelly. I'm so sorry. I was just thinking this morning how I haven't read anything on your blog about this topic and was so hoping that was a good sign. I know it is perfectly fine for you to be sad. I will keep praying for you and Scott. I have a friend that had a struggle similar to yours, but different in that she decided to adopt and did not opt for fertility at all. Once she got her baby, I remember her saying, "Now I know why I had to wait so long. It was to get the perfect one." I know you will understand one day why the wait was what it was/is but I feel confident in the end it will be worth it. Love you bunches. Eat that ice cream.

mer said...

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry. Disappointment has been heavy around here too, and I think it's a good thing to stay home and mourn and cry and eat ice cream. Thank you for your honesty. I am praying for you and Scott.

JenB said...

Oh, Kelly, I am so sorry for y'all. I know I don't "know" you, but I feel like I do and I'm so sad for you. Thanks for being real.

LSU Melanie said...

You are in my prayers and if you lived nearby I'd bring you over some crawfish..much much better than ice cream:) and you are right, God has a plan...some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, one day we will know his reason, until then I will continue to pray:)Cheer Up and enjoy the practice:)hahah

Jessica said...

Oh, Kelly! I'm so sorry. You have been on my mind lately. Like everyone said it is ok to be sad. So, funny that you say something about having twins...that is exactly what I have been praying for you! That God would give you twins.

Also know that God has a very special birthday picked out for your baby. Of course, you will have to get pregnant at just the right time so that baby can be born on it's special day.

Hope this isn't inappropriate, but a friend of mine has a midwife and she says that drinking red raspberry leaf tea promotes a healthy female reproductive system. I don't know if that would help you to get pregnant or not, but I just figured anything helps. Hope that this doesn't offend.

I will keep thinking about you and praying. Twins, twins. I'm praying for it.

RachelM said...

Kelly,
I am so so sorry to hear this news. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. It's ok for you to want to be alone and to just rest. Don't worry about posting happy things. We're all here for you to vent to!
Praying hard,
Rachel

Staci said...

Kelly, I appreciate your honesty. I will be lifting you up in prayer. I can't imagine the sadness you feel, but I do know a little about disappointment. Being 31 and single, my one desire in life is to be a wife. Every time I meet someone and thinks this could be it, it never pans out.

The little bit that I've read your blog, I know you're going to make a great mother, Kelly! Keep your eyes on the Lord and not your circumstances. I pray that God will wrap his loving arms around you and hold you tight!

Hugs to you :)
Staci

taralynn819 said...

Here's to hope! I'm sharing mine.

Shell said...

I am so sorry. I will continue to pray for you.

THE OTHER HUSE said...

Kelly, I HATE that you're going through this. I remember the months and months of highs and lows just exactly like you are having. I tell you, I was NOT as gracious about it as you are. I'm so impressed, inspired and in awe. God really is using you. He's already used you in my life. As we are going through fertility issues once again, I learn so much from you.

It is okay to be sad. And it's ALWAYS okay to dig into a tub of ice cream!! I agree with Betsy, you don't have to post happy things all the time. Sometimes God uses situations like this to reach those who need it.

I'm praying for you and Scott!!!

okp said...

I have been lurking and reading your blog for a couple months now - ever since you posted on the Christmas tour of homes. I have read about your struggles to expand your family, and I have been hoping that your struggles would be coming to a quick end.

I, along with countless others, have been in your situation. My husband and I tried for many years on our own before moving on to fertility treatments. We had 4 IUI's and an unsuccessful IVF, before our second IVF finally brought us our sweet daughter.

I have been in a place where I didn't want to leave the house, because it seems like there were constant images of babies and pregnant women. I have stayed home from church, because I couldn't bear to hear another pregnancy announcement or witness another baptism. I tried so hard not to question God - not understanding why my husband and I, with our solid marriage, financial security, etc. were struggling while friends got pregnant on their honeymoon (and the wife continued to smoke cigarettes and marijuana while pregnant).

In time, I trust that you will come to an understanding of why God is allowing this pain into your life. I know in my case, my relationship with God and with my husband is stronger as a result of our infertility struggles. I know that I have several very close friends that I met as a result of our shared struggles. I know that God gave me the opportunity to be an example of Christian faith - not just in the joyful times, but in the tough ones as well.

One of the toughest things about infertility is the constant processing through grief - it's like you have to go through those 'five stages' every single month. I say if that ice cream helps - eat as much as you want.

And know that there is a stranger somewhere in Mississippi who is praying for you.

Melanie

The Holloway Family said...

I am so sorry! I think you deserve all the icecream you can eat! I don't blame you at all for not wanting to deal with people--that's exactly how I get when I'm upset about something. I have been praying for you and will continue to do so.

Shelly said...

Everyone gets sad. It's your right to be sad or even mad because you are human. Thank you for sharing such a personal and painful part of your life with all of us.
You'll continue to be in my prayers.
I think I'll eat a little ice cream for ya!

Anonymous said...

Hi Kelly!

I have been reading your blog for a little while and really enjoy it! I have never commented before, but tonight I felt the Lord prompt me!
I went through several years of infertility. How I remember the disappointment each month. I am so sorry you are having to live through this.
Rather than have to make the bad news phone call, we finally worked out the system with family and friends that we would only call if there was good news. And what an amazing day when I finally, after 36 months, got to make phone calls! It brings tears to my eyes remembering the squeals I heard that day from the people who loved us!
When we prayed for a baby, we would also ask the Lord to please give us twins if it were his will. We could not believe it when the Lord blessed us with triplets - a little boy and identical twin girls! He also, very unexpectedly, blessed us with another little boy 22 months later!
It seems like you are doing a great job turning to the Lord with your thoughts. He is big enough to handle our questions and disappointment.
I know some days can be so, so hard. I also had days when I could not face anyone. Krispy Kreme doughnuts were my comfort food!
Also, stay close to your sweet husband. Your date nights sound so much like what we used to do! I was telling a friend today that those were some of the sweetest, closest times in our 13 years of marriage.
At lunch today, my little girls were talking about their Sunday School lesson on Hannah. I heard them tell their friend that their mommy was just like Hannah praying for a baby! I will be praying for the day you will get to share what God did for your family with your children!

Karen in Dallas

Lindsey said...

Take today and tomorrow (if you want) and have a pity party. You deserve it. Hold tight to your husband. I am praying for you both. Though I know no words can help you, I wanted to leave you with some words that have helped me...

Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27:14

RRR said...

You are such a strong, amazing person! Sometimes crying till you can't produce another tear is just the thing you need to do. I can tell from the short time that I've been reading your blog that there are MANY prayers going out for you and Scott right now! You are in my prayers! And I have a feeling that everyone will still want to read your blog to hear about all of the wonderful things ahead of you!

Shannon said...

I am so sorry. I think icecream sounds like great idea! I also think it is amazing how the Lord has sent you people who truly understand what you're going through to encourage and sympathize with you. I am praying for you!

Staci said...

Thank you for the encouraging words! I needed that :)

Jessica said...

Sweet Kelly,

Let's pray right now together:

Lord, Comfort Kelly and Scott during this trying time. Restore her hope. Preserve her faith. May your sweet spirit surround her even now with calming love. Let her feel renewed and revived, for the spirit that dwells in her is a a holy one. The power to create the universe resides within her, within the spirit, and we know Lord that you are mighty and stong. Remind Kelly of the strength within her. Wrap your arms of love around her so that your perfect will would become known. Help Kelly to trust in you and to feel the love you have for her as her heavenly father. Amen.

This verse, Kelly, has comforted me these last few days.

Psalm 71:20-21
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

Jessica

ashleydiggs said...

You post whatever you want to this week! If I were 3 hours closer, I'd bring you whatever ice cream you wanted! I can't say anything that's not already been said here but as you can see, you are SURROUNDED by people who care for you and are lifting you up in prayer!

Mom to 2 Angels said...

Kelly,

Just wanted to say my thoughts are with you. You don't know me, but I stumbled on your blog a few months ago and even tried one of your recipes :) We have been where you are. It is so hard to not know what God's plan is when that is what you so desperately want. I can look back now and truly thank Him that things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to, but the way He planned it. Hang in there...

The Garners said...

Kelly...my heart just BROKE when I opened your blog to see this. I was hoping and praying so hard that "no news would be good news" and I had been scared to come to the computer in case there was a post like this. I just don't understand???? As everyone else has said, I'd encourage you to be okay with being angry and sad (or whatever else) for a little bit. God knows your heart anyway, and none of your true friends expect you to try to put on a happy face. We're all hurting for you and wishing for happy days very soon. I've also been at the point of not wanting to leave the house and being angry at God. When I miscarried the first time I seriously considered dropping out of Bible study because I didn't really want to be around anyone and I just honestly didn't feel like showing up every week. I'm thankful for the dear friends and family who just let me cry and be mad and sad until I "healed" in my own time. Please know that I'm here for you any time and praying for you guys constantly. I love y'all, and I'm so so so sorry......Now praying for CHRISTMAS TWINS! :) What a gift that would be!

Heather said...

Hi Kelly,
I am so sorry for you and Scott. I too think it is perfectly normal to be upset, angry, and all of the other feelings you have. I wish I could give you a big hug right now and would drop a Sonic drink off at your door if we lived closer!! :) I will continue to faithfully pray about this for you and please know that I'm thinking of you.

Marlee Belle said...

We are here for you Kelly! Do share with us!! Do let us know how you're really feeling. & don't think twice about eating that ice cream. We'll take that and lift it up to the Father on your behalf! I am amazed at the # of comments. You've got some prayer warriors out here. The more honest you are with us the more transparent our prayers will be with our heavenly father. I am so sorry for what you are having to go through but rejoicing for the plan that God has for you. I belive His word when it says His plans are WAY bigger than what our earthly minds can wrap our wants, needs, anticipations around!! (or something like that :o)

Meredith said...

Kelly, I will continue to pray for you and Scott. I have faith God will bless yall with children. Just keep praying and keep the faith!

laura said...

May God richly bless you, dear Kelly! I am so sorry for your pain, and there is nothing wrong with being sad or mourning right now. Sadness or disappointment does not in any way indicate a lack of faith or trust in God...I believe He is honored when we are honest (as you mentioned, like David) and we come before him with our pain. I just hate that you are hurting...I will be praying for your heart, and all the things you mentioned.

chickadee said...

kelly,

god has brought you to mind several times this past month and i have prayed for his blessings for you.

i know exactly how you feel. we decided to have a fourth child last year and when we finally got pregnant, i lost the baby at 10 weeks. i felt sad but was sure god would turn around and bless us again, maybe with twins.

here it is a year later and nothing has happened. every month i'm discouraged because i feel like i'm running out of time.

and at the same time i feel guilty for these feelings because it is a 4th child i long for. not a first. how selfish of me to want so much when so many others don't even have one.

it's so hard to understand. but i can see that you have strong faith and i know he will see you through this.

take care. i will continue to pray for you.

Anonymous said...

Kelly, I have been reading your blog since the Christmas Tour and it inspires me. I will be praying for you, I am sorry that you are going through this. I too have been following the Uganda trip and have thought the same thing about why God allows so many children without safe and secure homes. I just have to remember His ways are not our ways.
I will be praying for you and for twins.

Brandy said...

Never apologize for being real, it's always better to be real than to fake it. I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling, but I can understand being disappointed and upset with God and upset with how things have or have not worked out. From what I "know" of you, you have a strong faith and this will not waiver you....it will not destroy you, but it will hurt and it will be hard. Do what you need to do for you and know that we're all praying for God's will and timing.

In Him~
B

Lauren said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I will be praying for you.

OMH said...

My Daughter-in-Law shared the link to your blog (I hope you do not mind).

Let me say that God understands time needed to be alone (Jesus' trip to the Garden is proof enough for me to know this). So do not feel guilty for staying home from SS!

I am praying for you and know that God is in control and is looking at the big TO DO LIST he has for your life and is thinking "Look my child it is scheduled right here and here and possibly here - it is only a moment away."

Caroline said...

Girl it is ok to stay home. I think we all understand that and of course we love you dearly..so you haven't changed that by needing time alone! God loves it when we find rest him. WE LOVE YOU!!! Oh HIS time is perfect.
"May the God of HOPE, fill you with all JOY AND PEACE, as you trust in him. So that he may fill you with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

ACC-mom said...

It's OK to be sad!!! Don't ever feel that it isn't. You WILL have a child one day...it's all about timing.

I am praying you...I know this is heartbreaking. Your moment will come and when it does you are going to be a great mommy.

Christy said...

I'm sorry...I will be praying for you!

Marc and Charity said...

Kelly, I'm sorry for your disappointment this time. I pray that you will feel His presence all over you today and that you will know that you share in His sufferings. He does have a plan for you my friend. I know you know that. I have a dear friend who is going this very same thing right now, and just found out her invitro did not work last week. I wish I had some words to say, but I just don't. Thanks for your honesty, and I love how you admitting to not going to sunday school. Hallejuah, be free!!! After living overseas, you start to see a lot of things differently and why you do things...and it's so liberating!!!

Harris Family said...

Sweet Kelly, my heart is breaking for you and Scott. I know that I have no idea exactly what you are feeling, but I have a glimpse. It is so hard to see situations of unloving or unfit homes being blessed with children. I question that too. However, God knows you and your heart and He knows that you are going to be wonderful mommy someday. He is just waiting for His perfect time. The Lord promises He will never leave us or forsake us. He has not brought you through all that you have been through to leave you now. For now, it is okay to hurt, to be sad, and even be mad. You are continually in my thoughts and in my prayers. I pray that you will feel God's love and peace during this time. I also pray that one day you can look back and it will be perfectly clear as to why you have had to suffer through all of this pain. I know the Lord has great things in store for you.

Lena Warnock said...

Oh precious Kelly - I read your post last night, and I was so heartbroken to read your words of sadness. This is your time to be cry and be sad - and no one is going to judge you for that. We are all your prayer warriors, and we will also sing HIS praises when you are blessed with a child - it is all in God's plan for you, and it is perfect.

The Proctors said...

Oh Kelly...I am so sorry. Please don't feel bad for being sad and for missing church. You needed that time by yourself and with your husband! Please know that I pray for you daily! Your faith is so strong, and I admire that so much. He sees this and I know that He will bless you and Scott with a baby or babies soon! Oh...and when that day comes...what a wonderful day it will be! You will be a wonderful mommy!

Katie said...

Kelly-

I will continue to keep you and Scott in my prayers...and will pray for twins while I am at it.

pinkmommy said...

Oh girl, I am so sorry. I have been praying so hard for you every day, and I will continue to do so. I am in awe of how much you are trusting God in the midst of this very deep valley.

And it is totally ok to be sad. Don't feel like you have to be happy here even when you aren't. We can take it, promise.

Julie said...

I know your hurt Kelly and I also know when you are not pregnant month after month words meant to be encouraging often do not help or still make you feel empty. I've experienced the feelings you are having and I struggle with many of the emotions and thoughts you have. However these verses did come to mind when I read your blog and I felt I still had to share them.

Ecc 3:1-8
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance....a time to tear and a time to mend.

Because you are a great Christian woman I know you are familiar with these verses. But sometimes, God uses "old" verses to show us something new.

Also, this verse was in the homework of my Beth Moore Stepping Up study. Psalm 27:13-14 "I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Megan L Hutchings said...

Sweet Kelly ~ I love you, I love your blog, and my heart breaks for you!!! This is your time to feel sadness, confusion, jealousy, but know that God does have a perfect plan for you. You have touched so many people's lives...PEOPLE THAT ONLY READ ABOUT YOUR LIFE...and are inspired by you. I will always pray for you and we (your entire blogging support system) will sing praises of joy to Him when you are blessed with a child!

Serah said...

It is okay to be sad. I think that's how God helps us to grow and to learn to lean on Him. He knows exactly the plan He has for you and Scott and it's better than you could ever hope. But for now be sad and eat your ice cream and remember the future is in His hands. My heart is broken for you this morning. I'm praying for you!

Jennifer said...

I will be praying for you. You can cry all you want, because this is a big loss and don't feel like you have to write happy things just for us. Just write what you are feeling!

Anonymous said...

Kelly,
I have been reading your blog, but I'm not a blogger myself. Today I just had to comment.
I know exactly how you feel. I've been trying to get pg for 5 years. I've had one miscarriage (after trying for 5 years) and one interrupted adoption recently. It is easy to get down. I have learned not to get excited anymore, and I have learned not to tell anyone anything because you have to turn around and tell everyone "no" when they ask if you are pg. It's ok to want to stay in bed and to question why people have children who shouldn't. I always think to myself that those children serve a purpose in this world even if they have bad parents or parents who can't take care of them. God has a purpose for each of them. It's hard, but it does get easier. I promise! I still don't have a baby, but I have not given up hope! Keep hoping and praying for God's will, even if you don't like it. I hope and pray we both get what we want someday.

Anonymous said...

Kelly,
My heart aches for you, I so resonate with this post. Rest in Him, trust in Him, he loves you and hurts with you, but only HE can see the ultimate plan for your life, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. Praying....
Catherine Asher

Boy & Girl said...

oh girl my heart is just breaking for y'all! Praying for you!

Meredith said...

Kelly, I'm so sorry to hear the bad news. We've been out of town so I'm a little behind. Your faith is such a wonderful example, even in this hard time. Sending you (and Scott) prayers for comfort and understanding.

sas said...

Kelly - You have every right to lay in bed and eat ice cream and don't feel bad about it! It is so hard sometimes to understand what GOD's plan is! It is hard for me not to be mad at him because I have type 1 diabetes. I think it is totally unfair, then I figure that is the card I was dealt and it could be worse. I recently told my husband (we are going to try in May)... if we can't get pregnant, I will be pissed! Diabetes and can't have kids...come on! I am praying for you and my other friends (3 right now) in the same boat! You will be blessed I am sure of it! You deserve it!

The Roberts Family said...

Kelly-
God WILL use this challenging time to demonstrate HIS love to and through you!!! Just wait and see!!!! Lifting you and your husband up to the Father-may His peace overflow in your hearts!

Billie said...

You don't know me. I've been a "lurker" to your blog (via Julie's) and I love catching up...especially since you began speaking of trying to have a baby. My husband and I tried for years and finally got on Clomid as well. We immediately got pregnant but lost that precious baby. It took 3 babies meeting Jesus and 4 years to finally have our girl...Isabella FAITH. Looking back now I can see the Faith God was trying to build in us for the trying years to come AFTER she was born. She is now 5 and we have Luke, who is 2. God WILL bless...He cannot go against His Word. He will give you the desires of your heart. It just may be in a way in which you least expect it. Just wait for Him because His dreams for you are so much bigger and better and far beyond what you and your hubs could ever dream!

For the love of my home said...

I just wanted to let you know I will pray for you and your husband. Your faith and love for God will get you through this.

Blanca

Sandra said...

Love you girl.

Mia said...

This is my first visit here and I just wanted to say that your writing touched me greatly. That kind of honesty I'm sure has and will help other women out there.
I will stop by again!

And I will think of you in my prayers.
Mia, from Sweden

Heather said...

I know I need to quit commenting on these old posts, but I just can't help it because it is like reading from my journal!
This gives me SUCH hope, Kelly! I pray that God will bless you so enormously for what these old posts have given me tonight!