Monday, March 17, 2008

"You take the Good, You take the Bad"

Well - I have a little good to share and a little bad to share.

We met with the fertility specialist today. It didn't go as well as I had hoped. Basically our only option is to do In Vitro. I was very disappointed to hear that and felt very overwhelmed. I started crying just trying to ask questions. I can't describe how it feels to sit in a room and hear that we will probably never have children unless we do this one way and even then there is only a 50/50 shot.
We just don't know what to do at this point. So we have decided to take the next couple of months off. I'm not going to take drugs or go to the doctor. I just want to relax and revive and spend a lot of time thinking but mostly spend a lot of time reading the Bible and praying. I just want to seek God and try to know His will. We are planning to take a long vacation in May. We need a time of revival - both with God and with our emotions and our relationship. And after we are refreshed - we will hopefully be ready to do whatever God tells us. And in the meantime - we are just praying for a miracle. And we believe God can do it.
If you have done in vitro - please find my e-mail on my blog and tell me about your experience.

Obviously that was the bad. Here is a little good for the day:

I love ya'll so much! Thanks for encouraging me, praying for me, and give me advice on polka dots! :-) I added a few dots and I thought it turned out pretty good. I also filled in the "S" because someone left a comment and said it looked like the money sign. ha! I'm going to let it dry and then seal it and then let the meals commence!!!!
And one more thing.....................The British Bachelor starts tonight! Whoooooo HOOOOOO!!!! (Because all I needed was ONE more TV show to watch! ha!)

64 comments:

Lindsey said...

I'm so sorry about your news and I think a break is well deserved. I am still praying! May the Lord be with you!

I love the TV trays! Great job!

Debbie said...

A break is a great idea. My husband and I went through the same thing. The decision was tough, but we opted not to put the money into it because we could only do it once (due to insufficient funds). We are now about to adopt a baby girl (as soon as she's born) in a couple of weeks. This has been an almost 6 year process. God will bless you in His own time. Keep the faith, and have some fun! Your blog has blessed me, and I hope I can encourage you!

Hillary said...

God is a GOD OF MIRACLES!!!!
I love the polka dots! Nice work!

Meredith said...

I didn't know if I would like the polka dots, but they look really cute! The "S" looks great too. We have some of those trays that I may just have to get painted. ;)

Sorry about the news at the doctor. I don't know how many times I've heard stories of couples "taking a break" and that's when they get pregnant. Still praying for you guys.

Stephanie's Mommy Brain said...

Praying for a miracle!

Love the polka dots. Looks fantastic!

Shell said...

I am sorry to hear about your doctors appointment today. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

I really enjoy reading your blog. You are always such an inspiration! I really like the way the TV trays turned out.

Heather said...

The polka dots were a great idea. I'm sorry to hear about the news from your doctor. You are so right, God can do anything. I'll keep praying for a miracle for you and your husband.

The Garners said...

Kelly,
I'm sorry that the news wasn't what you'd hoped for today. I hoped for an easier solution for y'all. Thinking of you, praying for you constantly.

Raquel said...

bummer on the doctors appointment! I have recently started reading your blog and I love it! thought i would de-lurk and say I will be praying for you.
the tray looks great!

Brad & Jill said...

Love the polka dots on the tray!!! I'll be praying that you get lots of rest & relaxation in the next couple of months, and that you will have complete peace about which path to take.

Marlee Belle said...

I don't know from experience but just from following your blog the last couple of months..the tug of war with trying to get pregnant has to be so hard. I could not even imagine where I would be in this kind of situation with leaning so hard on our God! I will be praying for you guys as you are trying to figure this out and determine what God's will is for you in building your family..when/how etc etc!!

Allikaye's Mama said...

Yeah really, one more thing to watch and add to the DVR - but you know I'll be watching too! I'm glad you are deciding to take a breather - that's so important! God is in control!!

Laurie said...

The t.v. trays look GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Is anything to hard for the Lord?"

Brittani's Holding Little Hands said...

Kelly- I'm so sorry. I pray that you feel the gentle spirit of the Lord during your time of refreshment.

If you decide to go forward with in vitro, Challi would be more than happy to talk with you and give you a better idea of what to expect. As you know, hers was a very positive experience.

Take heart, sweet friend. God has a very real plan for your family. I am believeing that for you and taking hold of victory! Let me know if you want Challi's #, as I know she would love to chat with you.

Love , love,love the way the trays turned out, BTW!

Staci said...

Kelly - I can't tell you how much I enjoy your reading blog. You are such a pure woman of God. He is going to honor your faithfulness to Him! Stay strong. Don't be anxious about anything! You are SO right that God is a God of miracles. And most of the time they are the 11th hour miracles!! I can't wait to read what God is going to do in your life!! Thanks for being an example to me!!!

And, LOVE the polka dots by the way :)

chickadee said...

i know you will come to the right decision about what is best for your family.

the dots look great.

sas said...

I love the TV tray. I can't wait to do mine. I think I may try it this weekend. Did you put a polyurithane (I am almost positive I didn't spell that right) on it? I know that I didn't on my kitchen table I painted and when I put hot things on it, it ruined the paint. Just a thought. I can't wait to do mine (and we have the same last initial). Also excited about the bachelor! :)

Jenna said...

Kelly, I so wish it had been better news at the doctor today. I will keep up the praying as you guys take some time off and refresh.

And those trays are the cutest things I have ever seen. You are my craft hero. :)

Angela said...

I think this "break" is going to be just what you need! Just give yourself sometime to relax and not worry about this.

I REALLY like you TV trays. Almost makes me want to get some TV trays for us, too! I like the polka dots.

Oh, and, as for the bachelor...I can't do it! I'm already watching too many shows and I just started with Dancing with the Stars. Thank the Lord for TIVO!

Leigh Ann said...

Kelly,
I'm sorry about the news you received today. I think you are so wise to take a break and a vacation. I know you have to be worn out emotionally and physically. A break is just what you need. I LOVE the polka dots. They look soooo cute! Thanks for the update. I thought about you a lot today. Laurie is right...nothing is too big for the Lord. Hugs and love.

Sarah said...

Kelly, this sounds almost identical to our first fertility specialist appointment. We are taking a break right now too. I felt physically sick when I looked at all of the meds on my counter last week and knew I wasn't supposed to do it right now.

It's amazing how we're going through very similar things, and we are constantly praying for one another...God is in this. I don't know what's in store, but it's something GOOD. :)

Jennifer said...

Love the polka dots and the revised S. Adorable!

I had a friend that had to go thru some process, but I'm not sure which. She ended up with a boy, then the second time with twins. God is good! I was wondering (and I hope you don't mind me asking, but it seems like we are friends since I read about you and your life), could you still not meet with the doctor in Tulsa to see what they think?? Maybe a second opinion?? I'm just wondering what it would hurt to just check out?? Anyhoo, you are always in my thoughts/prayers.

Sunni at The Flying Mum said...

A break & vacation seems like just what the doctor ordered. And remember, the Ultimate Physician can make anything possible!

Love the trays. Love the Bachelor. He was funny!

Honea Household said...

The tray looks great! I'm not creative, but the S looks much better filled in. I didn't think about doing that! ha! :)

I'm so sorry to hear about your appointment, but I pray for a refreshing from the Lord and a miracle. I've seen it happen!

Love to you!

mer said...

I will be praying for you to know how to proceed...praying that the Lord will make it very clear to both of you.

I think long vacations are so great, and I'm happy to hear you're going to be taking one soon!

Your polka dots look awesome! Enjoy eating on your fun creation!

Oh yeah, I'm a bachelor junkie and I can't believe I missed it tonight. I ran to Walmart to get a few things and had I known it was on, I would have waited until tomorrow. Oh well! I think I can miss one episode!

Anonymous said...

I have recently been reading your blog because my daughter, Catherine Asher and my niece Elizabeth Smith have been enjoying it and talking about it. I love the recipes you've shared.

I feel compelled to comment tonight because I would like to strongly recommend a second opinion. Some fertility specialists don't specialize in much more than the in-vitro option. It would be good to hear from another reproductive endocrinologist at least and to have a thorough and complete work up if that has not already been done. I am glad that you are taking a break, it is important to "be still and know that HE is GOD"! Enjoy this time and make connecting with your husband about more than making a baby. I write from the experience of my own infertility as well as my daughter's. We both have prayed for you and will continue. I believe my daughter has communicated with you about the wonderful blessing adoption has brought to our family. There is much to hope for so listen for the loving voice of our heavenly Father and remember how very much He loves you. God bless you!!
Lou Ellen Russell (also Laura Smith's sister)

Heather said...

I too think a vacation is just what you and Scott need. Praying for you each day.
Hugs!!
Love the trays..adorable!!

Harris Family said...

I watched "Facing the Giants" this weekend and it encouraged me! Nothing is impossible with God!!! The polka dots were the perfect touch! You are precious!

Anonymous said...

Kelly- We were scheduled for InVitro...and literally told by our fertility doctor that we had a "snowball's chance in ...." that we could become pregnant on our own. We quit "trying" to have a baby-no ovulation tests, nothing calculated, went on vacation, and well, imagine the glee on my face as I waited in the fertility doctor's office for that blood test to come back-positive! No need for invitro...I will pray until you hold that precious baby in your arms! Melissa

Anonymous said...

Maybe there is a child out there who needs you. I would look into adoption.

Sandra said...

Kelly, we know that nothing is impossible! My sister and her former husband did In Vitro twice. You are right in it being a 50/50 chance. Unfortunately, it did not work either time. And the stress of it all took a toll on their marriage. You are so wise to get away and take some time to dwell with the Lord and your husband.

Candy said...

I'm sorry the news at the Dr. was not what you wanted to hear. I LOVE your attitude about it though. You are such a wonderful Godly woman and really an inspiration. You are so smart to just take a break and spend time with your husband and God.I will continue to pray! :)
I love the TV trays. Turned out SO cute!

Lauren said...

Kelly, I am so sorry about the news from the fertility specialist. I think your are so smart to take a step back and relax. I am praying for you and your husband. Where are you going in May?

I love the polka dot tv trays! So cute! I want to try that project myself.

The Proctors said...

Your trays look so cute!! I love the polka dots...I think it added so much. I watched the Bachelor last night! I'm like you...I have so many shows that I'm watching now. It's really ridiculous!

So sorry to hear about your news. I think a break would be really good for you and Scott. It would be so awesome if it happened during these next couple of months. I will pray hard that it will! I know God has the perfect plan for you and Scott!

Shannon said...

Hi Kelly. I'm sorry about your appointment. I have been praying for you everyday. We are also going on a "break" vacation in May. Where are you going? We are going to Riviera Maya.

Rachel said...

Kelly,

What an emotional few days this must have been for you! Please know that I am praying for you, and know that God will work through all of this for his glory.

Love the TV trays!

Rachel

Anonymous said...

Kelly,
I tried to email you, but it said a bunch of computer lingo..."configure your email" etc....ugh....
Please email me at
Sitesx6@aol.com
We did invitro
and IUI
WE HAVE TWINS....there is hope.

I'm also an RN, so I'd love to "chat" with you about this next step in your journey...and invitro.
Don't lose hope.

All things are possible with God.

He makes the barren woman a happy mother of children.

I understand the longing in your heart to have a baby...I know the feeling, it is deep and strong.

Hang in there.
Don't lose hope.
Kelly (in Michigan)

Serah said...

I think a break is exactly what you need. Time away with your husband and with God and with your thoughts. A retreat. We'll keep praying for you guys!

And I love the tables! The polka dots were definitley what they needed. Perfect!

JenB said...

I'm so sorry for your disappointing news. I'll be praying for a miracle.

Love the polka dots!

BTW, I noticed you commented on my real life friend Faith's new blog. Ever since I started reading your blog I decided you and Faith should be friends. :) You are SO much alike. And going through similar struggles. I love how we can connect with people through the internet that we would never have the chance to otherwise!

pinkmommy said...

I will be praying.

LOVE the polka dots!

I am SO upset! It was storming last night and the satellite went out, so I missed it. At least it was just the first one. Can't wait to see the rest of the season!

Tamara said...

Kelly,

I know how discouraged you are. I think you are absolutely right to take a break. I urge you to pour your hearts into your relationship together. Because all of the hormonal upheaval of the treatments you've been taking, and the emotions of up and down each month, you need time to heal as a couple and remember why you fell in love and why you care about having children.

We landed at about the same place y'all have, only I would have had to use donor eggs for in vitro, and still had a poor chance of an actual pregnancy. For us, we felt the money was better spent on adoption, given our age & risk factors. However, my brother & his wife did in vitro and ended up with beautiful triplet boys, and they would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm sure she'd be happy to talk with you, if you decide to go that route. Let me know if you'd like to get in touch with her.

In the meantime, refresh and renew, and reflect on what God is teaching the two of you. And I'll be praying!

And I LOVE the polka dots!

Megan L Hutchings said...

You truly inspire me Kelly! I have never "met" a woman as strong, brave, and faithful as you. We will continue to pray for you, Scott, and what your future will entail. Where are you going on vacation? LOVE THE POLKA DOTS!

Susan Mac said...

Jeremiah 29:11

Although I'm not a TV tray kind-of-girl. The ones you painted make me want to go out and purchase some and start decorating. You SO motivate me!!!

taralynn819 said...

I am amazed by your faith. Tears are always a part of pain, and I'm glad God created us to express emotion.

I will say the last family I nannied for tried for 8 years to have their little Samantha (spoiled, though she is...and understandably!). The doctors also gave them only invitro as far as options go, but in God's time, the pregnancy happened naturally, and they cannot imagine their life without her now. Hold on to those baby shoes, you never know.

And thank you for your absolutely thoughtful comments. I fly out to see my dad tomorrow. Definitely bitterweet.

Mandy said...

Girl, take your break!! You guys deserve it! I agree with some of the comments above though, that maybe a second opinion wouldn't hurt?? I won't quit praying until that baby is here!!

Oh, and the Bachelor...what was that Stacey (or whatever the blue dress girl's name was) thinking? Didn't she know she was on TV??

Catherine Asher said...

I'll send you an email later when I have more time to process-
I know you know this, but God does not need a specialist or even In Vitro to give you a baby. The specialists love in vitro, it's a big money maker, and it works sometimes. I have had some friends that it worked for. Jeremy and I decided it was not the route for us and we began to pursue adoption when we came to the point you are. When we found out we were pregnant, it was 2 years after we finished with our specialist. We would not have Anna if we had not pursued adoption and I KNOW God intended her for our family.
Take some time off and "count the costs". Give your heart a chance to hear from God and know that NOTHING is impossible with Him. He will guide you, he has a "future and a hope" for you.
Love,
Catherine

Julia said...

Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

One form of delighting in the Lord can also be resting in Him. He can turn what He desires for you into your own desires. You guys are really doing good for your relationship to take a long vacation.

You have not come to the end of any road, this is just the beginning of a wonderful journey that God has placed before you. We will be praying for you for the next few months during your time of "rest."

Jessica said...

I'm sorry to hear your bad news, but God can work in any and every situation. I'll tell you what I told my sister not too long ago: God needs to have a chance to work a miracle. If everything was just peachy, we wouldn't need Him and He wouldn't have a chance to reveal His glory. He first needs a situation to work the miracle in before He can do a miracle. And this is just that situation. His hand is at work here. I'm still praying.

Love the polka dots!

LSU Melanie said...

Kelly-
You really never know what God has planned for us. My mother was adopted and my grandparents were told they could never have children, but they prayed to St. Gerard for children everyday, and they ended up having 3 healthy boys....you just never ever know...keep the faith

LSU Melanie said...

oh and all 3 boys middle names are...you guessed it...Gerard

The Ames Family said...

I think it is so wise of you to take a break... You truly deserve it and NEED it! I will be praying that the Lord would reveal His will for you. I had a friend who tried and tried for a baby... She went through Clomid and a few IUI's... After no success, she also decided to "take a break" and go off all medication and became pregnant with TWINS soon thereafter. God is in the miracle working business and I am believing and praying for a miracle for you.

PS- Those trays look great... I'll be looking out for your craft blog! ;)

Megan said...

You're still in my prayers. Keep the faith. Love!

RachelM said...

I'm so sorry to hear your news! I can imagine that you are ready for a break to focus on something else for awhile. You will be in my prayers through it all!
Your trays look awesome! I love that you filled in the S!
I watched The Bachelor last night...what is up with STACY?? Seriously girl, you're on TV!! I love Amanda R. and some other girl with short brown hair that I think he's going to have a lot in common with. Can't wait for next week! IDOL TONIGHT!

Betsy said...

First of all, your tv trays look so cute! I love them!

I think you are completely on the right track taking a break for a month or two. I can't imagine the emotional toll this has had to have taken on you and Scott! I know God will reveal His will to you as you are waiting for Him during these days ahead. I think you will be at least a little bit relieved not to have this taking up so much of your mental & emotional energy. Then when you're ready to tackle it again, you will be refreshed & in a better frame of mind.

I hope you and Scott can really just enjoy being together & laughing and having fun while you're on your vacation. I will continue praying for your miracle! I know God can do one, too!

laura said...

You have been on my mind so much and I am constantly praying for you. The trays look amazing--will you come to Texas and paint mine?!?! What kind of paint did you use?

Robyn Beele said...

The break sounds like a great idea. I am sorry for your bad news. I will continue to pray for a miracle. I love the polka dots! I can not wait for the Bachelor either!!

Stephanie said...

Kelly,

I'm so sad for you today...I didn't check your blog last night and it's a good thing. I was a mess all day yesterday, as I finally made an appointment for us with a fertility specialist and for some reason, the reality of that made me cry all day. I'm so sorry to hear your discouragement. I am praying that God will reach down and hold you close tonight. He knows Kelly and He cares about every detail. Don't give up yet...our God is STILL a God of miracles today!

Travis and I are leaving for our "break" vacation in two weeks...we are going to Naples, Florida, where we met and got married, to just rest and reconnect. I'm asking the Lord for joy and peace to reign over us and over you too. Know that you're not alone...Jehovah Jireh is His name...the God who provides!

Anonymous said...

The tray looks fantastic! Especially for not having painted something like that before.

Cindy

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear of your news. My husband and I visited the fertility route. We then took a break and didn't want to hear, see or think about it, just live! So...we started saving money to take a cruise and a month came and went, then another--I ended up being 9 weeks pregnant when it donned on me that I hadn't had a period!! Then I ended up taking as many pg tests as I had in the past just to make sure. Anyway, what started out with us being told that I would never have a child went to 3 years in a row of pregnancies with a healthy child born each time. My family and friends kidded me that after all the years of praying for our fertility situation, some prayer warior was still out there on her knees and needed to change her prayer to now keep the girl sane with 3 kids under the age of 3! I hope and pray that you can find rest and have time to clear your thoughts. Enjoy this time with your husband. The Lord has put up on your hearts for children and he is faithful to deliver. His timing will be perfect and you will see that hindsight. Blessings to you and your husband from Texas.

Shannon said...

My absolute favorite thing about you is your trust in the Lord's timing! I think about your patience in waiting for Him to bring you and Scott together and am encouraged by that every single day!!! I just know that y'all will be blessed in ways we can't imagine by taking a break!

As for the Bachelor, I was so mad after last season that I swore I would never watch it again. But of course, I couldn't look away when it came on last night!

Caroline said...

miss you miss you miss you!!!! I had to come to school and get my kelly update!!!! I have got to get me a computer at home....but then I might never get off it! how are you? ok, i watched the bach on monday...had i known you were i would have called you. I couldn't find any of my girlfriends that cared and I needed to talk the thing out hahahahahhaha. why can't i just not watch!!!!!!uggghhhhhhhh. what did you think? the girls were kinda crazy. love the dots on the trays..they look great!!!!

Michele said...

I just recently found your blog and have been following. I am so sorry to hear about your pain. It sounds like your faith in God is undshakable and he never lets us down. Pray and have faith that what is meant to be will work out in your life. I know it is hard and words can't take the pain away but, God can !!! Stay strong and believe.

SnappyCasualGifts said...

the polka dots added a lot to the tray. I really like how it turned out.
So sorry to hear the doctor visit didn't go well. You are still in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Kelly,

Hey . . my name is Karen (Wood) Black. I am an OBU grad . . Shelly Hodges recommended your blog to me so I'm new here. BUT, just wanted you to know I have been through ALL the fertility treatments and would be more than happy to give you the good, the bad, and the ugly about IVF. Although we didn't have any luck with the treatments, I do NOT regret trying and learned A TON. I mean seriously, I could be an RE . . I am now the "resident gynecologist" in my office (at a bank - ha). Anyway, wanted you to know that you are not alone and I'm here to talk if you ever need to (kblack@bokf.com).

Aloha,

Karen