Monday, January 21, 2008

Edit: I just want to thank you for all of your sweet comments. I had no idea when I started this little blog that I would meet so many neat women and that I would be so encouraged by people I had never met. Every word ya'll have said has meant SO much to me and has helped me. I thank God for sending "angels" on earth to give me comfort when I need it. (P.S. Sorry for the downer post. I'll try to post some happy things this week!)

It's been a hard day. I found out this morning that our first IUI didn't work and once again - I'm not pregnant. And despite my hopeful post I wrote last week about waiting - I have to admit I felt really defeated and a little hopeless today. The words to one of my favorite songs "Made me Glad" by Hillsong came to mind (as I was crying in the bathroom) where it says "I WILL bless the Lord forever......I WILL trust Him at all times". Boy is that hard to do on days like today but I think God wants to see if I can still praise Him even when He is not blessing me. So I'm trying.
I was glad, though, to not be at my church yesterday because it is our annual "Sanctity of Life" Sunday. This a Sunday I believe in 100% and I'm so thankful for a pastor who will preach against abortion but it's hard for me to hear about the millions of babies who are aborted each year because I would do anything to have just one of those babies. I knew it would have been a very difficult Sunday for me to sit through. I saw this video a while back and I've watched it SEVERAL times (it makes me cry very hard each time). But I think it really sums up how I feel right now and how anyone who is going through infertility feels.

48 comments:

Jennie said...

Oh, Kelly. I'm so, so sorry.

Hillary said...

Kelly...I have no words! I'm so sorry! I was so sad when I got your text this morning. As much as I want you to be at my wedding I wanted more for you to be in the hospital giving birth to Harper and Hudson! I'm still praying!!

Megan said...

Please know that I pray for you and Scott everyday.

Wow that is a powerful song.

Lisa said...

Can't sit here and say I understand, or I know how you feel, or everything's ok. I can just say we will walk in faith and keep praying. Love ya girl!

Lindsey said...

Oh Kelly! I am so sorry. NO words can express how sorry I am. Please know that I continue to lift your name in prayer! I am sending you the biggest tightest hug!

boomama said...

Hugging you from Alabama...I am so sorry.

aWare said...

Sweet Kelly, I have no words, but I watched that video and the power it has, it touched me, I just know there is a light at the end of your tunnel. Thank you for all of your kind words to Harry and the other babies and children you compliment, you have so much strength and love. Please don't lose hope, I am saying a special prayer for you right now that God will give you peace.

sas said...

I'm so sorry Kelly. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I cannot say I know what you are feeling, but I have a few friends who are going through the same thing. I have passed on your blog to them. Thanks for sharing the video.

mer said...

Oh, Kelly, I am so, so sorry.

I will be praying for you and Scott, but especially for you on Tuesday night...can't imagine you feel up to hosting a baby shower.

Brandon & April said...

Kelly, I am sorry. I will praying for you.

Meredith said...

I have never seen or heard that video before, but it is so touching. I pray that I will never take for granted the miracle I have in my two boys.

Thinking of you as you host the upcoming baby shower. And praying for your comfort and peace, that next month will bring a sweet surprise. HUGS!!!

Katie said...

Oh Kelly...you are so precious and if I lived in the same town as you, I would be at your home tonight. (which may be weird bc you do not "know" me!) I don't know what this is like, but you are an inspiration in so many ways. It makes me wonder if I really praise God in all of my own bad situations. You are always in my prayers. Thanks for sharing that video--it was heart-wrenching. I'm glad that I waited until after work to watch it.

pinkmommy said...

I am so sorry. I am praying.

ACC-mom said...

Kelly-

I am VERY sorry that the procedure was not a success. I DO know what you are going through...and it is very painful and defeating at times. I went through almost 3 years of infertility before getting pregnant with the triplets. I am here if you ever need to talk/write.

Praying for you....it WILL happen. :)

Leigh Ann said...

Kelly,
I am so very sorry. Please know I am praying for you and sending you hugs.

Jessica said...

Kelly- my heart breaks for you. I know you must feel so alone in this grief, but you are never alone. Your sweet mother and friends and family are there to comfort you. God sees you and remembers you. Cling to that hope. Harper is my name too!!!! I can't believe you like it also! My best friend named her baby Hudson! Great minds think alike!! : )

Guy & Julie said...

I am so sorry, Kelly.

Sarah said...

I was just about to write if Katie and I were there...and then I read that she wrote that, too...so seriously, if we were there, we would bring you a big old thing of ice cream and we would hug you until you were ready for us two wackos to go away! :)

I am truly sorry. My heart hurts...I feel like I'm feeling what you're feeling right now...and I just used the word "feeling" way too many times... I don't understand this at all. But know that you are being HUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGED from Benton!

The Garners said...

Oh Kelly--I just didn't want to read this news at all...I am so so so sorry. I just wrote a note to you this morning and dropped it in the mail because I assumed it was getting close to time for you know know one way or the other. I'm praying tonight for God to replace your feelings of defeat and hopelessness with peace. And now I'm going to start praying that next month is THE month and that your precious child is born on my birthday! :) I'm thinking about you ALL the time and trusting that God has amazing things in store.

chickadee said...

kelly, i'm so sorry. i was really hopeful it would happen the first time.

Amanda said...

You don't know me and I don't know you other than through this blog but just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you. God is faithful that much I know is true!

That video is a tear jerker.

Brad & Jill said...

Kelly-I won't stop praying until your prayers have been answered. It is comforting to know that He hears our prayers and that He is still at work. Thank you for sharing the video...to God be the glory.

Stephanie said...

Sometimes words fail, like now. So sorry. Thank you for sharing the video. I cried all the way through it.

Elizabeth Smith said...

I'll be praying for you, Kelly. I know somehow God will get the glory for this and you will be amazed at how He works in the end. He loves you and cherises you, as do all your friends!

Heather said...

Kelly,
You and your hubby are in my prayers daily and I will continue until you are blessed with a baby!! May you find peace...

Tasha said...

Sorry! Still praying for you!!!

Jennifer said...

Oh Kelly, I am so sorry to hear this news. If I lived closer I would so bring over some ice cream and a hug. So here's a virtual (hug) and know that you and Scott are in our prayers.

Kimberly said...

I agree with what AWare said. You are so kind to comment on my baby all the time and I look forward to the day I am commenting on yours! Oh Kelly my heart is heavy for you tonight and I am keeping you in my prayers! You ARE going to make a great mommy and hopefully soon. I just know God has a wonderful plan for you. Sending you a big hug over the internet!!

Lena Warnock said...

Kelly, I am so sorry to hear this. I will continue to pray for you and your husband. Thank you for sharing the video - how powerful! You have been such a testiment to so many women through your blog, and you have become such a blessing to all of us.

Boy & Girl said...

oh I am so sorry. Praying for y'all through this time.

Fran said...

Oh Kelly...How I wish I could come and give you hugs and cry with you and scream with you and then be filled with hope again with you.

He WILL honor you and Scotts faithfullness. I'm praying for you friend.

I love ya~
Fran

Coolio said...

Kelly,
You don't know me, but I have recently found your blog and love checking it every day! :) You are so creative and have such a positive approach to life! I have also been down the road of infertility and know how frustrating and hopeless it can seem. It took me 3 IUI's to finally get pg, and it was a heartbreaker every time it didn't work. I just wanted to tell you to hang in there and don't lose hope. I will be praying for you as well....it looks like you have quite the team of prayer warriors!

Kristi

Sniz said...

Wow, what a tear-jerker. May God give special grace to all women who struggle with this.

Cheryl said...

Kelly,

I'm the gal that emailed you on Friday. I'm so incredibly sorry. I know first hand what your pain feels like. Allow yourself to grieve this, and when you are ready you will pick yourself up and try again. God has a wonderful plan for you. It's so hard waiting sometimes but the wait will be so worth it, and this pain that you are feeling (though it will never go away as I have discovered) will be worth it too.

I am so sorry....please know that I'm sending you big hugs and I'm continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Lindsey said...

I have already left you a comment here BUT, you were on my mind ALL last night. I am truly sorry and pray that God will comfort you! Keep the FAITH sweetie! Know you are being lifted in prayer!

Anonymous said...

Hi Kelly,
I'm pretty new to your blog. I'm drawn here because I had 4 years of infertility...but....I had TWINS. So please please don't give up. It is the most painful thing to go though what you are going through. I remember it ALL. The main every single month. I made a promise to praise God in the storm of it all, and you are doing that too. I'm praying for you. Fight the good fight,keep trying, praise God,and DON'T GIVE UP.

IT WILL HAPPEN!!!!!!

HUGS,
Kelly in Michigan

Marc and Charity said...

Kelly, I'm so sorry y'all are going throug this right now. I don't have any words of wisdom for you. Everything thing that I think about saying seem so ... I don't know, cliche I guess.

Praying for you!

The Proctors said...

I'm so sorry. I pray for you every day. God definitely hears our prayers and he will bless you and Scott one day in his perfect timing!! That is such a powerful video...thank you so much for sharing it.

Brandon & April said...

Don't be sorry! I wish I could have say something more than I am sorry and I am praying but I just don't know that there are any words. I do admire the way that you praise God through this trial.

Anonymous said...

Kelly,

I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry. I've been reading your blog for a long time but I've never commented. I know your time will come. I'll be thinking about you!

Sara

Anonymous said...

Hi Kelly,

I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you and your husband.

Cindy
TX

Linda said...

Sweet Kelly,
I am so sorry the news what not what you had hoped for. I totally understand and know the pain you are feeling. That video is incredible I have never seen it before. I found myself right back to the years when we could not understand what God was doing in this area of our lives. I will pray for you and that God's good and perfect will will be done in your life in this and every area.
I have cried the tears you are crying. I am so sorry you are suffering right now.
Blessings,
Linda

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the disappointment you are feeling right now, and I am glad you are trusting God to comfort you in the midst of this.

What an awesome friend you are, to be hosting a shower tonight. I pray that God will bless you so abundantly and above anything you could hope for.

Betsy said...

Kelly,
That song was beautiful. I can't imagine all you are going through. Lots of love, hugs, and prayers go out to you. May you feel God's arms wrapped a little more tightly around you today. I am so sorry!! :(
Betsy Maddox
Charlotte, NC

Jessica R said...

Kelly,
I am sorry to hear that it was not successful this month. I have been unable to get pregnant but have not yet gone for testing because I was not sure that I could handle what you are going through now. I decided over Christmas to make an appointment and start the process. I will be praying that you are successful.

Rachie said...

Infertility sucks! We tried for 3 years without any success. After 1 round of IVF, I was pregnant with twins. We just did another round of IVF in December and it did not turn out. There are definitly ups and downs when you really want a baby. I will pray for you...just keep trying. It will eventually happen to you! I hope my words give you hope.You can always email me if you want to talk more-rayfamily2005@gmail.com

Sileena said...

Kelly, although it's hard thank you for sharing. As I watched the video, I thought, boy when have your shower you're going to have to have a huge bloggy one too for all of us who've been praying and hoping with you. Having been there doesn't make your situation any easier but please know my prayers are with you. Can't wait for this special little one. One day! God is still in control.

laura said...

I found your blog through Katie's blog, and just want you to know I am going to be praying for you. I don't know if you share your e-mail, but if so, please send it to me at lauraewatson@sbcglobal.net. I would love to share our story with you...so sorry you are hurting. The song was amazing!